We learn at a very early age that self-pride and self-worth are based not on who we are inside but on who our parents are, what we own, what we do for a living, or how much money we have. All external things. So is it any wonder that, as we get older and all of these things fall away, so does a person’s feeling of self-worth and identity?

When did we stop seeing each other as human beings with inner attributes like kindness, concern, empathy, support, and love? I would like to propose that our own egos prevent us from really seeing each other, because the ego always wants to be better than everyone else.

Perhaps the things that truly define our worth were never the things we could own, achieve, or accumulate in the first place.

When we meet someone for the first time, how often do we truly see the person who is standing in front of us?

Before we have even exchanged more than a few words, our minds begin gathering information. What do they look like? What are they wearing? What do they do for a living? Where do they live? What kind of car do they drive? What have they accomplished? What kind of education do they have?

It is almost as though every person arrives with a layer of “window dressing” surrounding them—a filter between one human being and another. We rarely meet someone without immediately processing their appearance, occupation, possessions, education, social status, accomplishments, or even the way they speak.

And yet, none of those things tell us who that person really is.

So how do we learn to see that person? It requires curiosity rather than judgment. It requires listening rather than waiting for our turn to speak.

Perhaps our greatest measure of self-worth is found in how we treat one another—and in who we are when there is nothing left to prove.

Perhaps the challenge is not to eliminate the external things. They are part of our lives, after all. The challenge is simply not to confuse them with who we are.