Due to the hundreds of letters I have received about how to use my Embrace and Release Philosophy to live with Grief.  I am continuing this topic that I began in my May Blog.

Life does not exist without loss. Loss of loved ones, friends, spouses, and yes, even children. So how does one go on when every part of their being is consumed with that grief?

The first step is to totally embrace what has happened. This means that you willingly and completely let yourself feel your grief and despair. You don’t run from it or deny it. You take the time to feel your emotions, whatever they are. The amount of time needed is different for everyone. There is no set timeline.  ‘Why’ will be an overwhelming question. Why did this happen to the person that I love and consequently to me? Part of embracing is taking the time to learn whatever you can from what has happened. How has it affected not just you but those around you? How has it changed you?  Has anything good come from any part of this? What did I learn from this situation?  Allow yourself to think about and examine your feelings. Not other people’s opinions or feelings, only your own.

When you are able, you must release these feelings in order to move forward. Releasing grief does not mean letting go of loving. It does not mean letting go of memories. It is the opposite; you are choosing not to let the memories or the love of this person be clouded by your grief.  You are choosing not to let the meaning of their lives be overshadowed by your unhappiness. Instead, you are choosing to let the best parts of this person shine through. You are choosing to stop focusing on your grief and instead focus on the amazing life that you got to share, experience, and love. Every life has a journey and a purpose, no matter how short, don’t bury that in your grief.

What might stop you from releasing your grief? You cannot let go of grief if you are making yourself feel guilty related to the death. You cannot let go if you are selfishly hanging on to the grief and wearing it like a badge of courage, or if you are ruminating on their death in your heart and mind daily.  It is especially important that you are not focusing on the “loss” because it is not their loss; you are dwelling on it, it is yours.

Give yourself permission to release your grief. Remember, releasing grief is not releasing your love or your memories. It is releasing the negative aspects that are keeping you from celebrating this person’s life every day. Keeping you from smiling when you think of them and rejoicing in the time that you had with them. Don’t let grief take that away from you.