February invites us to look outward, to notice who has a Valentine and who does not, to measure our worth against flowers, cards, and couples holding hands. But the most important relationship in your life has never been with another person. It has, and always will be, the relationship you have with yourself.
The message we do not hear often enough is that loving yourself should not get harder with age; it should get easier. We are taught from a very young age that thinking too highly of yourself is vain, indulgent, and selfish. That confidence was something to apologize for, and that independence made you difficult.
But the kind of self-love I am talking about is not arrogance or self-absorption, or thinking that you are better than someone else. It is, indeed, the opposite. It is being filled with the love and confidence that allow you to open your heart and let others in, welcoming and caring for them. It is knowing who you are without requiring constant reassurance. It is being able to sit alone without feeling lonely. It is liking your own companionship, so that any other companionship becomes a choice, not a need. Loving yourself is being secure rather than needy.
When we are young, we are constantly having to prove ourselves. We want to be chosen, to be validated, always looking outward to prove we are enough. But this is one of the great freedoms of aging. You are no longer auditioning for your life. Those in life whom we choose to walk beside us will meet us where we stand. They will know that we are enough because we know we are enough.
Love the woman in the mirror, with the body that carried you through decades of life and the face that tells your story honestly. Not an artificial version of yourself created to make others love you. Once you love yourself, you will never again settle for less than you deserve. The greatest love story of your life is the one you live with yourself.
15 responses to “Love Yourself”
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Thank you for an inspiring message
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Hello, I am in mid 60s and love to learn from others about life stages and wisdom on how to age well. I just retired last year, thank goodness.
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You have great advice! Love reading your blogs!
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Very wise advice and thank you! Your messages are so positive and so needed. When the world discards the elderly it’s easy to fall into their same negative view of ageing.
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I am a 791/2yrs lady looking in amazement towards my 80th birthday in June. I love looking and reading your articles as I can certainly relate to what u say. I live in Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada 🇨🇦🇨🇦
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Beautiful! Happy early birthday! I know it’s this month!🎉🥳💖
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This is encouraging. At 66, I am trying to accept and love the changes in my appearance, physical abilities. It feels as though I require more “maintenance.” — I like what you have to say about companionship being a choice and not a need.
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What a marvelous article! When I retired I told my husband that I was no longer competing with anyone else. The only person I would compete with was myself to continue to grow and learn. He never really understood what I was saying, but you have clarified my statement. I just turned 79 and am still directing my time and attention to myself. What I eat, how I keep moving, the relationships that I still cultivate, all these things are in my mind everyday.
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Wonderful words, Candace. My mother, who was widowed at the young age of 59, told me as she grew older she would start her day and look in the mirror and say, “You are beautiful, you are smart and you are loved.” I am blessed to have had a wise mother.
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Competing, measuring, proving that one is “good enough” to deserve to be loved. I cringe at the girl I was doing that and still have to catch myself. Thank you for the reminder we all need to hear.
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You are awesome and beautiful too. I am in my 70s and I am glad to see a bogger my age. Thanks so much.
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I am so blessed husband, children, and grandchildren! My mother died at 47 cancer. My dad died at 65 heart disease. I have both of these but, wonderful doctors and at 75 still going strong. Praise God!
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Spot on so many times we forget or look at the worldly
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Love this blog – thank you for reminding me that it’s just as important to love myself they way I love others.
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This is the best advice I’ve ever heard. Thank you for these blogs. I’m sure you are helping alot of women.
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