February invites us to look outward, to notice who has a Valentine and who does not, to measure our worth against flowers, cards, and couples holding hands. But the most important relationship in your life has never been with another person. It has, and always will be, the relationship you have with yourself.
The message we do not hear often enough is that loving yourself should not get harder with age; it should get easier. We are taught from a very young age that thinking too highly of yourself is vain, indulgent, and selfish. That confidence was something to apologize for, and that independence made you difficult.
But the kind of self-love I am talking about is not arrogance or self-absorption, or thinking that you are better than someone else. It is, indeed, the opposite. It is being filled with the love and confidence that allow you to open your heart and let others in, welcoming and caring for them. It is knowing who you are without requiring constant reassurance. It is being able to sit alone without feeling lonely. It is liking your own companionship, so that any other companionship becomes a choice, not a need. Loving yourself is being secure rather than needy.
When we are young, we are constantly having to prove ourselves. We want to be chosen, to be validated, always looking outward to prove we are enough. But this is one of the great freedoms of aging. You are no longer auditioning for your life. Those in life whom we choose to walk beside us will meet us where we stand. They will know that we are enough because we know we are enough.
Love the woman in the mirror, with the body that carried you through decades of life and the face that tells your story honestly. Not an artificial version of yourself created to make others love you. Once you love yourself, you will never again settle for less than you deserve. The greatest love story of your life is the one you live with yourself.
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