How we age and who we become as we age have a lot to do with how we handle the events of our lives; both the good and the bad. There is one universal life situation that, if we live long enough, we will all experience in some form… and that is grief.

There are many reasons why people experience grief. Grief comes in many forms, and I can only speak to that which I have experienced: losing a spouse. When you suddenly find yourself facing life alone, it can seem overwhelming. Part of yourself is left behind in the marriage that no longer exists. You are no longer sure which parts of you remain and how to reconnect with parts of your personality that you may have left dormant when being a partner to your spouse became a priority in your life.

How do you move forward? How do you know where and when to move forward? How do you know where to move forward to? After my husband died, I did not see myself as an individual. The only future I saw was with my children and grandchildren. The concept of my life, except in relation to them, was not visible to me. But like it or not, I was still here with “time” to fill. I realized that how I chose to fill it was up to me.

Many women who lose a spouse feel like they have lost their identity, and because they do not know who they are alone, they take on the role of widowhood as their identity. Everything in their world revolves around having lost their husband and being a widow. They stop living their own lives and begin living through their children and grandchildren. They think that their best times are over and stop looking for themselves in their everyday lives. They lose touch with themselves and who they are or aspire to be. They lose engagement with life.

Engagement in life is very important to happiness, and happiness is very important to aging well. I ask you to give yourself the chance to find your happiness by being open to all the wonderful surprises life has to offer. You never know what is in store for you or what is around that next corner. If a door opens and you are afraid to walk through it, at least step outside and take a look around. Like it or not, we learn something new and become stronger every day because nothing stays the same. Even while grieving, you are changing, learning, and growing. Life is a gift, and you cannot change what has happened in your life, but you can decide how you will react to it.

Many of the feelings that come with losing someone that you love never go away, but you can mold those feelings into something new that will allow you to be thankful for having had them. By moving forward with your life, you have the opportunity to share what you learned from experiencing that love and possibly finding a new you in the process.