The holidays arrive each year wrapped in a beautiful illusion, twinkling lights, cozy gatherings, picture-perfect meals, and families who behave exactly the way we wish they would. It’s no wonder we carry such high expectations into December.
But for many of us, especially as we get older, the holidays are not just joyful, they’re complicated. Travel plans fall apart, someone gets sick, a grown child can’t make it home, relatives argue, or memories of loved ones who are no longer here tug at our hearts.
Still, despite everything we’ve experienced, we find ourselves hoping—year after year—that this holiday season will be the perfect one just like all those Hallmark movies. How do we lower our expectations without losing the hope, joy, and enthusiasm that make the holidays meaningful?
I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Our expectations come from a place of love and longing. We want the holidays to be special not just for ourselves but for all those that we love. We want to share and create memories that everyone can hold on to one day.
But expectations can become heavy, especially when we imagine a version of events that real life simply can’t compete with. Holidays involve people— people with their own feelings, schedules, and imperfections. And people rarely act according to our mental script. When we cling too tightly to how we think things should go, we leave very little room for how things could go.
Women often carry the emotional load of the holidays and that is a heavy burden, which feels heavier when it is supposed to be fun and it doesn’t feel like fun. Travel plans shift, illness shows up, family dynamics flare and everyone has their own version of the “perfect” holiday.
And what about those who are alone, and not surrounded by family over the holidays? For many in their 60s, 70s, and beyond, the holidays look different than they once did.
Children grow up. Families move. Loved ones pass away.
And sometimes, the season brings moments of solitude we didn’t expect or didn’t choose.
Being alone over the holidays can feel especially tender in a world that tells us Christmas should always be filled with bustling homes and full tables. We don’t talk enough about how painfully lonely the holidays can feel when you’re spending them alone. December has a way of magnifying the emptiness, the silence in the house, the absence of familiar voices, the traditions that used to fill the day. It can bring up memories of people who are no longer here, of the Christmas mornings that once felt full, and of the life chapter that looked very different than the one you’re living now. If that is your reality this season, it deserves to be acknowledged, not minimized.
Loneliness during the holidays isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you’ve lived, that you’ve loved, and that things have changed in ways you didn’t choose. This kind of loneliness is real. And it hurts. But even in that truth, there are ways to soften the edges, not by pretending the loneliness isn’t there, but by allowing small moments of meaning to coexist alongside it. You don’t have to “cheer up”. You don’t have to pretend the day is merry. You don’t have to act grateful when what you feel is grief. Your emotions are not a burden; they are a reflection of what you’ve carried and who you’ve loved. Sometimes honoring the holiday means honoring your sadness.
Whether experiencing the holidays with family and friends or alone hope is what gives life sparkle. But hope isn’t about insisting on a specific outcome. It’s about trusting that joy can appear in unexpected places. Keep the hope. Keep the excitement. Lose the expectations!
38 responses to “Great Expectations”
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Losing the expectations, lessens the possible disappointment .
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That is does!
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Wonderful, wise advice, and very timely. Thank you for your approach to our common fate – and a good holiday season for you, Candice!
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Wishing you the same!
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Love this- spoke right to the heart of it all. I think especially of my mom (now in late 80’s), my dad who we lost this year. We just navigated Thanksgiving. Now facing Christmas. and she lives by herself (even though we see her every week-she is an hour away) But your words are succinct! And a wonderful way to re-look at this time in life. Thank you!
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So happy if it helped.
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Thank you Candace….that is a VERY caring and thoughtful way to look at this time of the year for so many, including me. Lose the expectations, go with the flow….I HOPE and pray for all of “our” community this season and always. Thank you for having us (-: Truly!!
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Lovely sentiment. Thank you
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Thank you for this blog post Candace. We moved to Florida from Michigan 2 years ago. Our two sons/families are still there. Even though we live in a busy “snowbird” community, close relationships of the past are difficult to recreate, and it can be a lonely time. We are still trying to find what works for us.
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Mary I am about to have the same situation. My husband and I just bought a place in FL for the winter months and are about to embark on creating life there.
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Thank you for this!
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I like your statement to lose the expectations. I think if we try to enjoy the family we happen to be with at the time we can enjoy ourselves.
This was good to read and remember.-
Paula I am so happy that you found it worth your time to read.
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Thank you for writing this timely message to all of us. I’m in my 70s and life has definitely changed. My children and grandchildren are grown and their trying to spend time between all of us, which is the season of life their in.Mine is more lonely, but I know that I’m well loved. Allowing myself to let go of past traditions, which now just caused more headache and more things for the others to participate in, I’ve decided to let go. I going to try more simple get-togethers- like a spring time luncheon on the patio or a fall barbecue. This gives us all what we need- time together, fun, memories without the holidays
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Mary that is an excellent idea!!
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Thank you for that!
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Thanks for reading !
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Thank you for this very well written blog! It has really resonated with me! I am 73 and I have been feeling very stressed by feeling as though I have to live up to all the expectations my family has for the holidays. I have wanted to share the joys of Christmas with my grandkids by making everything “perfect” so they will have fond memories when I’m gone.
You have given me pause to revisit these expectations and be more realistic in my plans. It really struck home that plans can change!!! Last night I sprained my knee and first thought was “oh no! How will I be ready for Christmas?” You are very inspiring and I just wanted to thank you!
Patricia-
Patricia if I am helpful in any way I am very appreciative of the opportunity. Thank you for following my Blogs.
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Love this. ❤️
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Thank you Nancy for reading it . So glad yo liked it.
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This is a keeper to read every year at this time, thank you.
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Thank you Lettie and I appreciate you reading it!
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feeling you have to be merry is a big burden
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Yes it certainly is. Not really want any of us want.
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Beautifully said. I needed to hear that today. Thank you ♥️
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We all need to hear this and not set ourselves up for unnecessary disappointment
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Thank you for this beautiful reflection, I am going to share it.
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Louise I am glad that you enjoyed it!
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Beautifully said and can come at an unexpected moment in our lives at any age, really. We pack a lot of hopes and dreams and reminders of holidays past when we look ahead to Christmas. That can completely change with the unexpected death of a loved one, life-halting illness, terrible setback or accident or disappointment. It’s then that we are tested to reflect on what holds ourselves together. It is then that I go back to my friend Faith who reminds me that I am never alone. My God has and is and will be with me for as long as I seek Him out. He will most likely not swoop me up and carry me away from my soul-searching trouble, but He will not abandon me and leave me in darkness. It is He who first created light and He who will bring me out of the shadows. He always has and I trust always will.
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What a lovely comment and love the way you refer to your friend Faith!
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Thanks for sharing these words of wisdom.
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Your words hit home! I remember many years ago I spent Christmas with my sister in Texas. Her young, smart wisecracking daughter was completely devastated when an old living room chair was replaced by a new one. She just broke down sobbing.
She wouldn’t accept the change and that’s how I feel sometimes. We still want the old ways, the old things. It’s hard to move on. Leave the expectations behind. -
This is so beautiful. Thank you very much
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I can totally relate to so many of these comments. I am 75. I lost my husband suddenly 21 years ago. We lived in a different city than our families. When I decided to move home 3 years later I really didn’t expect anything, and didn’t get anything. As you said, they all had their own agendas and schedules. I have learned to accept that a long time ago. Sometimes it still hurts, but I get past it. I have made a lovely life for myself, still single and very happy. A dear friend of mine sent this to me and I shall follow you going forward. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
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Thank you for your reminder of the only thing certain is change. Some of my friends have a hard time accepting this, but I think I do. Sometimes it is an adventure. My grown kids have their many friends & plans, but my husband & I are always a part of them for which I am thankful. I do enjoy my own company & am seldom lonely. God is always with me! Happy 2026 to us all!
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This is so true, you can be in a room with of people and still feel lonely.
This article was so well expressed.
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This year being alone hit me really hard. I had always worked to holidays so those with family could be home with their children and families or travel to Grandparents homes.
To make it feel even worse it’s also my birthday and that giving birth to 4 children I only had one left alive. At this age I may not have another birthday or Christmas but if I do I will plan on spending it and serving dinner to those individuals who also are alone or even the homeless. With other things coming up during the year I can still be needed.
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